Recently, while watching the True Hollywood Story of Jessica Simpson, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably. Twelve-year-old Miss Simpson and her father, a minister, believed their deeply religious background would help Jessica become a role model for 
young girls. Unfortunately, when Jessica was just 14, their passion was rudely interrupted when Sony announced there would be no recording contract for her trademark Christian songs because (sadly) her boobs were too big.
I’m assuming they meant distracting.
Apparently that’s why the church choir wears robes.
That’s when the crying started. I couldn’t fathom an energetic, talented individual’s potential aborted because of factors other than their exceptional ability to complete the job.
Or could I?
There was that time in the 1980s when I worked for an international toy manufacturer that fired it most productive senior administrative assistant to the President. This company terminated a woman who, on my first day of work, called me from her hospital bed where she was recovering from a fracture of the leg so severe it required surgery and traction. I might mention the break occurred when she was bringing work home from the office—as was her usual routine. This widow had spent two decades helping to carve out the success of this organization. Her work ethic took occasional breaks merely to mourn the loss of her only son, killed in Vietnam.
After her dismissal, I walked around for days wondering what happened. Then I saw her replacement—a giggling, inept, yet snappy dresser in her 20s (who spent hours in private dictation) named Candy.
Of course, nowadays women are totally liberated from dealing with that kind of crap.
Yeah, right.
The other day, I ran into one of my neighbors, a 25-year-old graduate student working part-time in a local corporate office. She said she’d been having problems with her eyes. Not her eyesight. Her eyes. Apparently one day at work, a male co-worker said she look “haggard” and “tired” and “had she ever considered wearing some makeup to pick up her appearance”?
So this young lady, who had never catered to the makeup crowd, purchased mascara, eye shadow, and liner hoping to become eye-pealing.
What happened was a severe allergic reaction to the ingredients in the makeup resulting in puffy lids, teary eyes, and a skin rash so severe she sought the help of a dermatologist.
What did I do wrong? She asked me.
Oh boy.
After talking with my neighbor, I started sobbing again thinking about how our society generates a view that inspects women form the outside in…instead of the perceptive inside out.
My husband knows I can work myself into a tizzy. A nice movie always helps…hopefully with a strong female lead, something along the lines of Norma Rae. So off we went to Blockbuster where we rented The Wrestler, a film co-starring Marisa Tomei who won an Oscar for her wonderful performance as a smart, sassy, no-nonsense woman in My Cousin Vinny.
The Wrestler follows the story of Randy “The Ram” Robinson a former pro wrestling star from the 80s, wonderfully played by Mickey Rourke, who fights to regain his standing among this sport(?). In between living in a trailer, working menial-wage jobs, and suffering from health conditions so severe they threaten his comeback plans, he tries to reconcile with the daughter he abandoned long ago.
Marisa Tomei plays a stripper who is mostly naked in the film—in almost every scene—every 15 minutes or so. And then some. She performs a lap dance, a pole dance, a strip dance, and the ever-lovin’ squat-thrust-or-bust-thingy. When she is not performing for eager male clients, she is sitting around in a black mesh bodysuit that reminded me of the screen door that used to hang on grandma’s porch. Quite frankly, I’d seen more of her than I cared to.
We saw the movie 3 weeks ago. My husband still has a smile on his face.
In one of the most incongruous scene’s, Ms. Tomei’s character, performing (yet another) exotic dance at the pole, suddenly has a revelation—right there in the middle of this exhibition, (like a light bulb going off inside her head)—which causes her to exit the stage in pursuit of…well, we’re not sure.
Of course, the movie could have delved deeper into the father-daughter relationship between Mickey Rourke and Evan Rachel Wood, which seemed to fizzle out even before it had a chance. Or it could have reminisced about Randy’s past, his relationship with his daughter’s mother, his family background, or where the hell he’d been for the past 20 years. But what do I know? That would have meant fewer naked scenes.
As you can see, I wrestled with the film.
Last week, while flipping through the TV channels, I came across a rerun of a recently cancelled show, and there before my eyes on stage was a scantily clad Jessica Simpson bumping and grinding to a song she was (obviously) lip sinking. She was musical guest on the aptly named “Mad TV”.
See what happens when Christian values are thwarted at a young age?
It seems major media outlets place women center stage where they are sexualized and stereotyped ad nauseam. The result is not only an assault on our common senses but a demoralized female infrastructure struggling to maintain its footing…in between treatments of Botox and liposuction.
What ever happened to positive female role models with naked passion for equality and respect?
One of my idols passed away several years ago: Molly Ivins. I admired her spunk, perspective, and outspoken passion for humanity and women’s rights. She was my mentor.
In fact, she inspires from beyond the grave:
I’ve been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn’t actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.
Isn’t it ironic that the highly idolized Miss America contestants always desire world peace and the women who actually work for that cause couldn’t be bothered with such vanity?
LT comments:
Well 12 articles presented and most do not receive a comment. Either the articles are not of any interest or there is hardly anyone here to read them. Stefan, you seem to have a small cadre that like to defer to you and your opinions, that are certainly on target but from my short time here if callmeslick were to disappear so might all comments along with him. The “you go boy” and give it to him, seem to pass for comments.
Maybe we should bring up religion and sex, as that always seems to draw a crowd. Stir pot, turn up the heat, see if anything comes to the top. Back to cleaning my dark green pool.
Stefan Kosikowski comments:
As I stated, there used to be far more comments from a variety of individuals on the articles presented here, and I am not talking about the “you go girl” type of snippets.
Viewership is up, according to the web tracking statistics, yet the number of individuals commenting is down.
Nor am I suggesting that anyone not comment here, including our resident bully. I only desire the comments to be of a more respectful nature towards one another, so that we may, over time, entice people to return to expressing their opinions here.
Thank you…
CALynn comments:
Sorry if my responses to this post are far and few between. Just got back from meeting with 15 clients – mostly widows and WWII veterans and Vietnam veterans and Korean Veterans – and those who make minimum wage working for the fast food biggies. They are kind and wonderful and amazing people whose stories I love to hear. Every story starts at the personal level…
So just logged on and I do apologize.
It should be noted that there are indeed differences between men and women. On my way to work tomorrow, if I’m unfortunate enough to get a flat tire, I do know how to change it. I understand the mechanics and I’m smart enough to perform the task. I’ve been there. I can pull over and I can put on my flashers and I can open the trunk and pull out the spare tire and I can get the jack and jack up the car. What I do not have…what I do not possess is the testosterone to get a 7 year old bolt to move forward with a crow bar. No matter how hard I try. I need help with that. So in the past when I’ve had flat tires and I’m with that damn 7 year old bolt, I’ve been forced to sit by the side of the road and wait for testerone aid…like a lady in distress. Another thing: I can have babies (well, not now and not easily in the past) and I can/could produce milk. Obviously men cannot.
So it is important to note that our inequalities are what makes us equal.
It is a give and take that American capitalism refuses to recognize because it would sell less products and produce more educated masses.
The divide that our system prostelizes on us (like a – little bug in our ear) not only forces – but mandates – belief that men and women are SO different that women could never be equal to men (easier to sell to – more things to “correct”). I can’t even begin to name the media channels that promote this difference. I see how it affects girls and generations firsthand.
Case in point: I cannot recount how many times at work I’ve heard male colleagues say, when referring to their spouse: “The” wife. No first name just “The” wife, like she is a horse.
Or here’s an oldie but a goodie “I can’t go to see the Philly’s this weekend because I have to babysit.”
Huh?
I always say to those men “I didn’t realize they weren’t your children. Your wife was married previously? It’s so nice that you’ve welcomed them as your own.”
(yeah, I’m popular!)
So here’s my question to everyone: What female role model is currently in the minds of girls…
Ask the 7 year old
Ask the 15 year old
Ask the 25 year old
Ask the 35 year old
Ask the 55 year old
and get back to me.
(I’ll keep an open mind)
callmeslick comments:
I would hope that the 7 year old would cite her mom. By 15, it would go a bit deeper.
The same question of men would bring massively variant answers, but I’ll bet a big percentage of the mature men cite their fathers. I’m not sure I see what your point is here, Lynn.
As stated earlier, I work with a slight majority of women at work. They refer to their spouses, often, as ‘the husband’ so it may not be a gender thing, so much as an age-group thing. And, yes, there are a lot of men still out there, raised in old fashioned type homes, that feel that despite both parents working, it is not their job to do childcare, cook or clean. They are wrong, but they are also a dwindling number. And, that gets to my intitial point here: progress has been, and still is, being made. It may not be happening overnight, or as fast as you would wish it, but it IS happening. Slow and gradual is how human nature, en masse, evolves, whether it be relationships of gender, race, sexual orientation, whatever. And those facts completely negate your premise: that society is forcing some twisted system down the throats of modern women. It just isn’t so. To cite an example you used earlier, the young, educated women of today may well not read the Huffington Post because Ariana Huffington and her ilk are shrill and irrelevant to a professional woman. Like most professional men, I suspect they are reading material that advances knowledge pertinent to doing their jobs, not material which assumes that ANYONE considers them inferior. Because, at the root of it, that is what you are conceding: that women are still in a vastly inferior position. All the while, education achievement and hiring data of people under the age of 35 show that, clearly, not to be the case. And, to my mind, that is great news. I look forward to women not only participating, but running things in high percentages(senior positions will come with age and experience), as women ARE different from men, and the blending of the skillsets and outlooks can only better society.
callmeslick comments:
Stefan, not a debate, but just my observation. I’ve subscribed here since mid 2008.
There, to my observation, was NEVER robust participation in the comments sections beyond congratulatory backslapping. Never back and forth, never disagreement, just one ‘attaboy’ after another. You, apparently, saw a different scenario.
callmeslick comments:
Oh, and Lynn:
could only poll two…..21 year old–Patti Smith
52 year old–Oprah
my data points yield little……
NJDave comments:
Slick.. Insofar as your comments during this volley, I’ve concluded you are both intellectually disingenuous and a bully. I get it. Its self defense. Cognitive dissonance is the mental conflict people may experience when their beliefs or assumptions are challenged.
In my view, many thoughts you have expressed help support Lynn’s premise … many of us are blockheads (Archie Bunker types) who fail to acknowledge all which is happening around us…. and try to hang onto one’s own set of beliefs and convictions.
You write well, and I look forward to your upcoming(?) essay which, I suspect, will be laden with narrow convictions…. to which you are entitled…. and lets see if they can withstand the light of day.
CALynn comments:
OK thanks CallMeSlick. I’m glad a man could set me straight that my half-century experience as a woman is way off base because you “work with a slight majority of women” and observe their behavior/customs/socialization. But what when you’re not at work? Do you dressup in drag and go out? Very savvy. And thanks for the heads up on Huffington and her “ilk”. Let’s see they are “shrill”, which means penetrating. Definetely a word a man would use to describe women. Thanks for making my point.
callmeslick comments:
I got the ‘shrill’ word from my 21 year old daughter, Lyn. Thanks. I’m not trying to change your view, but I am challenging the accuracy of it.
Oh, and for NJDave, sorry if I come of as a ‘bully’ to you, but I stated pretty clearly above why this stuff matters to me. Whether you accept that or not is your call, and not really for me to concern myself with. The bottom line difference of opinion between Lyn and myself is that I feel change is and has been steady and positive. She seems to feel that women are trapped in a static position by society.
I would argue, and have, that the facts extant clearly prove her wrong. She has yet to provide ANY data to counter my claims. My other, tangental, point was that she clearly didn’t get the artistic intent of the movie mentioned. Not a big thing in life, overall, but in an essay on popular culture, sort of a serious no-no. For the record, the female lead in ‘The Wrestler’ was critical to the intent of the movie, was clearly not gratuitous(no matter how her husband behaved while watching), and spoke to the frustration and pain of a woman clearly unhappy with that archaic role of ‘sex object’ which her choices in life had led her to.
Narrow convictions, Dave? I don’t think anyone who knows me would accuse me of holding narrow views on much of anything. I do think about and challenge virtually any view I come across, and I sense that it is the challenge that some folks have issues dealing with…….
LT comments:
CALynn, would I be off base in assuming if you were to have a choice at another bite of life as we know it, you would push the male preference button? I ask this not in a shrill way, but from an objective point of view and how the sexes perceive each other.
callmeslick comments:
by the way, Lynn, I heard a report on BBC morning report on public radio this am that both of us might agree is blood-curdling: A woman, professor at a college in Britain, is releasing a book that espouses the concept of “erotic capital”. This would refer to the financial advantages of being ‘attractive’, which she views as every bit as important to pursue as intellectual or labor based capital. Thus, she views media definitions of ‘attractive’ as benchmarks, and feels that women and men should be encouraged to consider plastic surgery to up their “erotic capital”. I had to check my calender to see if it was April 1, I was so appalled.